special vampires require special tools
October 20, 2012 § 6 Comments
This post is not part of the story, it’s just thoughts and clarifications that I need to let out every few posts or so, questions and realizations gather, the more I write, the more questions I get, and I need every few posts, to put out something like this. You might skip it if you really are only interested in the story, but I’d advise against it.
It’s weird you know, how some people believe that today you’re a human and *poof* just like that, tomorrow you can be a vampire.
But it’s not like that.
Well, it is – but not really. Special vampires really do require special tools. Not actual physical tools, but techniques and methods to bring them to the special status.
Let me define special.
A special vampire is something coined by myself, it doesn’t really exist. It’s a metaphorical term that I use to describe those vampires that are both as human as you and I can be, and as monster as the most gruesome vampire movie can depict.
It’s a state of mind, a way of thinking, a personality and values plus morals. It’s that state of mind where you decide rationally that someone needs to die, and you do it in a humane way.
It’s a way of being, understanding who and what a person is, trying to reason with that person, before attacking or killing.
It’s a way in which you can connect to both vampires and humans at the same level, without a feeling of inferiority or superiority, without giving birth to animosity.
It is what Regina is, but what Viktoria isn’t.
It is everything that you’ve read in this story, and the small and subtle differences and ways of doing things that differentiate them.
It is also why Viktoria could never take Regina’s place.
Because Regina can be human, can cry, can understand you, can reason with you and can enjoy a rainy day under a warm blanket in front of a fire. Viktoria can also do that, but not out of wish or nature, but out of interest and alternate reasons.
It’s like going to a job you hate. You go there because you need to pay your bills, not because that’s who you are and that’s what you do and that’s how you feel and that’s what makes you happy.
Regina on the other hand, is naturally all that – she is by my definition – a special vampire. And no, she’s not alone, there are others like that – quite a few actually.
But you see, a special vampire cannot be bred in the same fashion any vampire is, and can never learn how to be human in the same time as being a vampire. A special vampire has to be that from day one, or he’ll never be one ever. And if you cannot be that, you cannot lead and you cannot achieve that extra 1% that makes you great.
Vampires lack a lot of things that humans still have. It’s all psychological. They lack the will and the ambition we have. They just lose it in the process of being… forever. They stop striving for greatness, they stop having the ambition to achieve something great because they always feel like they have the time and power to do so anytime they want, but they just don’t want it right now. It’s like trying to quit smoking I guess, everyone says that they can quit it anytime they want, but they don’t actually really try to do so.
Vampires that lose that touch with the human side miss-out on a few things that they might use – some of them disagree and argue that still retaining humanity is a weakness – which by all means, it is in some cases, but weakness is sometimes better than impulsive reaction and bravery. It is. You never know where a decision (or lack of) can lead you to.
A special vampire can be modest, humble, happy (genuinely) and sad, and can, day by day, experience the same joy of life that we all do. In a sense, you might argue that a special vampire still feels his life is short – still feels human inside. And it is exactly that, what keeps her going. Living. Actually living, not just stumbling across eons like a mindless zombie, void of feelings, interests, occupation or amazement.
Don’t think that a vampire and a special vampire are the bad and the good, no, that’s not actually correct. You see, I’ve come to learn that humans are much more cruel and much more evil than any creature on this earth, vampire, snake, lion or anything else. The sheer amount of information you can find online these days about methods of executions (complete with videos) is just mind-blowing.
And that’s a reason why a special vampire can be that much worse than any other vampire. Cruelty. It is because of all those feelings that she still keeps, because of all that grief – because where there is joy there is also grief. It’s exactly because of all that, she can be that much more cruel and gruesome at times. And great leaders, at least in their world, need that. Fear, revenge and cruelty is part of the daily life. And to inspire fear into any vampire, you need that extra bit, you need that stepping over the line of rationality, and step into the realm of “she’s going to murder us all”. It’s that spontaneity that a humans has, that degree of unpredictability of a human is what makes a special vampire… well, special.
Because make no mistake, for all the impulsiveness and aggressiveness that someone like Viktoria might have, Regina makes up in cruelty. Think of it as blowing off steam. Whereas Viktoria does it step by step, all the time, because that’s what she is, Regina doesn’t. She instead refrains herself from any kind of cruelty of impulsiveness, she is just like you and me, but there are those hallucinating moments where you can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t, those moments when the world turns upside down for her and all hell breaks loose.
Like I was saying many, many posts ago, she always had that double personality, at first I called it demon by night and angel by day, but step by step, I realized that she doesn’t have just two faces, but a different one for each and every person, and that’s how she also manages to keep herself going, to keep her humanity. She is a human when she is among humans, and a vampire when she is among vampires. She is the devil when the devil’s presence is required, and she is a protector and an overzealous defender of morality and good values when the situation requires it.
By our definition, she is a fake – but by any other definition, she is the most adapted living being I’ve ever came across.
And that’s the best way I can describe a special vampire.
But as I was saying, by all means, she’s not alone. There are others, just like her, not that old, not that powerful, but with the potential to be just as adaptable, because they were thought to be like that from the very beginning.
They know this. All of the elders, the very first ones, and maybe some others, they all know this very well. If you want someone by your side, then you’ll work on it for years. You don’t just pick someone, turn him and hope for the best. It doesn’t work that way and you can’t afford to make a mistake, because finding that special someone is a feat, a chance in a lifetime, even the lifetime of a vampire, and you cannot let yourself to fail in creating something… special. Something that will be everything that he can become.
And that’s what a lot of them are doing.
But how? How do you create that special vampire?
You let him see who you are, you keep him close, for years if need be – you watch over him closely, day by day, you make him a part of your life, while still a human. You let him live among vampires, as a vampire, when he is still human. You make him realize how human he is, and what being a living human being actually means. You make him feel every single type of emotion a human being can feel, from the most strong types of joy and happiness, to the depths of hell surrounded by sorrow and grief. You put him down and you take him up, you spin him around and drown him in humanity and then slowly, day by day, you drag him to yourself, make him crave immortality, make him crave you, make him want to be not only a vampire, but a part of you.
It’s the most delicate and complicate process one can do with another human being. You are basically modelling and sculpting his mind, his emotions, his feelings, taste and everything. And in order to do that, you need to start early, but not too early.
You can’t start from a very fragile age, be it two years old or so, because if you do that, then that human would have never known what humanity actually is. Even if he’s still human as he grows up, if he does so among vampires, or just the mere knowledge of their existence, will ruin everything. HE HAS to be a human before he is a vampire, and he has to know HOW to be a human, and more importantly what it actually means to be a human, because a lot of us forget what we are every day. We do. When was the last time when you, the reader, asked yourself: Who am I? What am I doing here? Why? How do I feel? Why do I feel like this? WHAT am I. Now who, not this time, but WHAT? Try and answer that. It’s harder than you think. It’s easy giving out short, meaningful answers, but when you really want to get into it – you get to a standstill.
In the same lines, you can’t let that human be too human – because there comes a time when the human mind is just… pretty much formed. You can’t really change it anymore, not in a meaningful way. You can change opinions, views, but you can’t really change the inherent way that mind works, how it gets there – to conclusions – and how that mind actually ticks.
You have to get that human in-between. You have to start letting him in bit by bit. You let him in “on the secret”. You let him in on a lot of things, day by day, you observe how he thinks and how he reacts, and based on that you push back or push forward. You make him feel a part of your world, and you push yourself in being a part of his world also.
You slowly merge the two worlds, you mix them, and you make that human change his mind completely. He will, eventually, live under the impression that this is life. This is how things go, this is one single world. When in fact, it isn’t.
You merge the feelings inside of him, you raise him as a vampire but let him live in the human world.
That’s how you create a vampire. You push him day by day, for years, into the vampire world, you watch over him and make sure you know every single thing he does and says, and then, you wait. You wait for that time when he is ready, when he, himself, will come to you and say: “I’m ready.”
And you’ll know then, you did a good job.
But you won’t be around anymore to reap the rewards… will you?