your story looks like a fantasy work

February 21, 2012 § 6 Comments

I have received the following comment, and I must say, it’s one of the most constructive comments I’ve got and I also must add that I was aware of the facts in the comment, however I never did take the time to address them. But now I have to.

This is the comment

“Your story looks like a work of fiction when you do things like leave cliffhangers at the end of parts. That and also the far-fetched coincidences (you happen to become friends with a queen vampire so easily because you happen to be special or something etc) , the thrilling pace and the dramatic one-liners.

If your story is true, then that’s pretty amazing and you’re very lucky to still be alive, but I don’t want to believe that your story is true. I want to know.

Show as much proof as you can when you write. If you were told how shit really went down in history, then post some of these facts. If you wrote a diary then post some pictures of it. If you took pictures in the north pole then by all means upload them. Don’t let your effort go to waste. I think that is the best way to approach this. And then it is up to the reader to come to their own conclusions. You can’t convince them with “this is real, I swear”. It’s their decision. All you can do is back up your claims the best you can at all times. That at least raises the chances of convincing people.”

So, lets summarize all that because I want to be as thorough as possible with explaining everything.
1) The story has cliffhangers

The cliff-hangers are specifically put there by me, for people to come back and read. I got inspired from TV shows, which always end in the worst possible moment, letting you crave for more. I do that too, on purpose. I stop the post at a certain moment on purpose. I don’t see why that should make the story less believable.

2) Far-fetched coincidences – I can only see one, and, coincidences are not that supernatural. They happen. But the one in the story, that “you happen to become friends with a vampire” can be easily explained as not a coincidence.

First, we did not become friends, I became food, and I had her necklace. Now how did I have that, that’s another story, maybe that’s the coincidence. Second, she was there with a reason. The town is of special importance to all of them, and she regularly comes, regularly at least in her notion of time.

3) The thrilling pace

I set the pace, living it out is not so thrilling. because other things happen in between. I had a life, I went to school, I ate and slept like any other human being. I talked with other people and I went to parties.

The thrilling pace is set by me through a simple thing: only telling what’s relevant to the story. As in, I only present the important parts of what happened, the one that will get you to understand what happened, why it happened and what it all means.

I could as well include all my life, but that would mean never finishing the story. Imagine you putting in writing every minute of your life, for a few years. How long would that be?

4) Dramatic one-liners

That are all they are. Dramatic one liners, I put them there with a reason. They did not happen necessarily as they are in the story. Most were part of a big conversation, that, if put in words, would not make any sense. As such, I summarize the point of the whole talk into one line.

For example, in telling why someone is right, you could also explain the reason behind why he’s right, as in say “I think that… you’re right because this, and that, and that”. However, I didn’t do that, if it wasn’t important. I just summarized everything into one line.

5) Put photos of the diary. That’s not possible because the diary is electronic, on my laptop. It’s a file, nothing more. How would that make sense? Posting screenshots with that? It wouldn’t.

6) Put photos with the north pole.
Why would I do that? It was an expedition, nothing to do with Regina or vampires.
We started off from Kiruna in northern Sweden, it took a week, we were eight people, two of them guides. It costed around 1200 euros and that was all it was, an expedition, a vacation. Totally safe, no exploring or nothing to brag about. Why would I put photos with that? Maybe in a different story or blog, but this one has no place for expeditions.

7) If you have knowledge of how shit really went down in history, present it.

I will, I’ll try. I already did it with people whom I converse with over e-mail, but the stories there are even more unbelievable and they seem even more far-fetched that it would make the whole thing just a piece of story beyond science fiction.
If I told you half the things you would take your laptop, put it under you and shit bricks on it.
Here’s one for some fun: The photograph industry almost never happened because of them.
Now for the details of the story.
Some would think that the story is much too accurate and too detailed to be a memory.
And that’s true. I could tell, exactly how I remember it, the whole thing, in one hour. In one post.
However, in order to include as much details as possible for the thing to be understandable, I decided in using my diary and, where necessary, improving with opinions.

You can see in the story that I express my opinions often. Those opinions are either from the diary or on the spot, as I write, because each time I think of it, I get something else in my mind. I could write about the same thing in twenty different ways.

As for my diary, it only contains three things: order of events, reactions of people and my opinions of the time.

So, based on that, I remember what happened. I can’t remember everything, it’s a blur. You try remembering something of importance for you and see you will remember only the order of events and maybe, some details.

But based on the order of events and my diary, I construct the dialog.
Things that Regina said are not necessarily with the same words as in the story.
For example if I write that Regina said “Viktoria, you will take Blanche and show her to the book.” it could have easily been that Regina said “Viktoria, Blanche needs to see the book, see to it.”

I can’t possibly remember all the dialogues and expressions, but I have noted down expressions and reactions and based on that I know what has been said. That and the order of events.

How can I say this to be more clearly: When you try to explain a memory, it’s not as in your thought. A ten seconds thought can be explained as well in one sentence, or one book. I’m sure you’re aware of that.

My opinions and thoughts on it I hope, it’s interpreted as being just that, opinions. You can see, in lots of different parts of the story, that I say what is a speculation on my part.
The order of events and what happened is as it is. If I remember the surroundings and reactions, I write them down. If I don’t, I focus on writing down my thoughts or opinions about said event.
Sometimes I remember faces or certain reactions, I write those down too and express my thoughts on that also.

It’s a story – not a documentary – not presenting just facts. I could to that as a list, a summary, and it would take very much less space.
But this is a story, in which I try to make you see, in your mind, as much as I can. I describe clothes, colors, appearances, buildings and interiors. I describe expressions on people’s faces, things they MAY have said, with they mouth or their face – because sometimes there’s a blur there. I describe the order of events and what may have caused a certain thing.
It’s a story that is intended for you to construct a movie in your head.

If it feels too detailed than it’s because it’s intended to be detailed. Do you think it would be hard for me to dumb it down and write it with bullet points? No, it wouldn’t, but that wouldn’t make any sense and you wouldn’t understand anything out of it anyway.
I wrote it as a story, I intended it to be full of details.
Nothing in it is made up or imagined, it is how I saw things, it is what I thought about them at the time.

I present the events, and what happened as they happened, but I transform them into a readable, understandable story, and not as a list with an order of events.

As a rule of thumb, the more detailed a part is, the more I have written about it in the diary. I don’t have it written it down about everything, but the parts I do were written with a fresh mind and contain every detail I need. So, if something seems more detailed than the others, then it’s because I already have it written down.

The story will, however, get more and more blurry, because I can’t remember everything as time passed. Like I explained in a comment, the beginning is still vivid in my mind but then it got… common. It went into everyday life, into usual things, and those tend to fade away and disappear into nothingness. So the story will first get more blurry and then gradually with more details again, as it nears present day.

I hope I’ve been detailed enough about it and made you understand that the story look unbelievable and looks like a fantasy work because of two things:

First, it is unbelievable no matter how you would tell it.
Second, it looks like a fantasy work because it’s presented with that much detail.

Thank you.

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§ 6 Responses to your story looks like a fantasy work

  • Karim says:

    Nice post.
    I just want to back you up on the whole coincidence thing.
    I thing seeing this as random events that by chance happened to you is just the wrong way of seeing this.
    You got the necklace because you live in this town and regina found you because you got it. It’s just one coincidence followed by consequences. If someone else would have got the necklace maybe he would tell the story (or not) and you would just be another normal person.

  • […] first one of the series detailed on the format of the story ( your story looks like a fantasy work ) the second one detailed two pages of my diary, which was to satisfy both a request and a promise […]

  • Shoul says:

    I would like to apologize to you. I think you know why. I want you to know, that I do believe you and don’t think you’re crazy. When I was first sent a link to your blog, I didn’t believe at first because of one simple point: retractable fangs. I have studied vampires for a long time and that’s the one thing you had said that I didn’t agree with. I now come to see that I’m wrong.

    My last comment to you, I told you I believe you. Since then only two questions have come to my mind that I’m sincerely curious about.

    One, when vampires are traveling so fast, how do they keep their clothes from fraying and tearing?

    Two, when you were being carried by Regina, how did you survive the G-forces that would be put on you to get to those speeds?

    I’m very scientifically minded, yet I see how vampires can be what you say they are. Those are just the two points I’m not certain on. Can you please explain them to me?

    • sapindale says:

      I’m scientifically minded too and try to analyze everything. Retractable fangs are not uncommon in nature you know, however, I can’t be sure whether they are retractable or they simply grow a new pair every time. Because unlike movies, it does take almost a minute for them to be fully extended. I only called them retractable because they seem to appear and disappear according to need. They can’t just pop them out in a second to flash them out to someone, no.

      As for traveling fast, I think you are imagining something a bit too fast. It’s not the speed of sound or a bullet speed, no, nothing like that. It’s a very fast run with long jump in between. Like I said in the post, I don’t think it’s faster than something we already have in nature. Anyway, don’t think movies. No, that’s crazy. It’s a blur when they start only, that might be G-force prone, because it’s almost instant speed, and yes, you feel a hammer in your head but after that it’s fine. They can’t possibly violate any law of physics and by all means, they are under the influence of gravitational pulls and inertia, because they can’t stop instantly like the movies, and they do increase speed over distance.

      It’s nothing that you cannot explain biologically, it’s just that… it’s so good, so perfect, so… amazing, that most people say: MAGIC! DEMON! instead of taking the time to analyze what’s going on, and how would it be possible.

  • Moi says:

    For me, so far, as i’ve been reading your story I’ve applied certain criteria which I’ve learned while studying theological manuscripts from the past, and one of the criteria used in authentication is called the criterion of embarrassment. In your story you’ve made yourself look bad a few times (cheating on your girlfriend, for example) which lends it an air of truth. You’d probably be less inclined to put such things which make you look bad if this were all made up, which I don’t think by the way. But, with that criterion in mind, if any other readers read this comment and are unsure which way to go, then it is more plausible than not that he is indeed telling the truth.

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